The Perfect Picture!

How Your Ambitions Hurt The People You Care About

Within everyone there is a desire for greatness. We want to be known for our grand acts, our abundant wisdom, and the whimsical ease in which we wow the world. As children we dream of being super heroes, to be gods of the playground. As adolescents we dream about being rock stars or professional athletes. Some achieve these goals, but the majority continues on with their lives, aspiring to have successful rewarding careers with happy families and ample vacation time. Finally, we look for the perfect retirement plan, as close or far away from family as we see fit. Each person has there own unique desires for the future and our drive to achieve these goals is our ambition.

American’s love the ambitious underdog. The story of the talentless, penniless, nobody who through pure determination becomes a hero is what inspirational Hollywood movies thrive on. Whether it is the loser getting the girl, the under talented under funded sports team winning the championship, or the man who punches raw meat in a freezer beating the boxing champ, we love it every time. Movie producers can recycle this plot a thousand times and we will never get old of it because it gives us hope that we can make our dreams happen too. “If an Indian slum dweller can get onto ‘Who wants to be a Millionaire’ and win then so can I!” we think to ourselves after confusing the real point of Slumdog Millionaire. We tell inadvertently tell ourselves time and time again that it doesn’t matter who I hurt or what I lose, if I get the goal then it will all be worth it. Our ambitions are a great gift that can push us to become people who have achieved what we never knew we could do. But every gift comes with a cost and an ignorance of ambition's cost is surely a recipe for a lonely and ultimately fruitless life.

The way our ambitions affect those around us was recently demonstrated to me on a simple hiking trip with a friend. My friend Cassie and I planned to go on a hike to a local waterfall that neither of us had been to before. We had the day off and an"adventure" sounded like a nice way to spend it. We headed out bright and early to make sure we had time to stop in Portland to pick up some overpriced lattes before finding our destination.

Gorton Creek Falls is just off the Columbia River Gorge and is completely surrounded by the reverent beauty of nature. Towering Evergreens cascade down the mountains as if to hint at the hidden water that falls freely among them. The trail begins along the river before eventually turning into a series of rocks and trees you have to climb over as you continue to follow the river up to the source. Nothing like rock climbing makes me feel more like a delighted child and as I ducked below branches and maneuvered over the moss I constantly stayed alert for especially impressive views I wished to capture.

At the end of the year I always appreciate having pictures so I can remember what happened in my year. They also work as a nice way to tell your friends your also cool because once a month you go on hikes to cool looking places instead of sitting on your computer like the rest of the month. However, there was an element of purity in picture pursuit as I hoped to demonstrate to others the raw beauty of an area. I wanted to find just the right angle to capture it all. The creek, the waterfall, the moss folding over everything like a soft blanket, and the bare rocks slippery and jagged from years of standing against the cold caress of the creek.

Gorton Creek Falls

After a relatively short journey we made it to the waterfall. How so much water can constantly be streaming through I’ll never be able to understand. To be honest the amount of water flowing to and fro through rivers and creeks, into oceans and seas, I’ll never fully be able to grasp. For some strange reason it’s all too much for little brain to comprehend. Regardless, a subtle mist greeted us as we came up upon an overflow of that marvelous mystery. Mother Nature’s gift to the winsome wonderer: a roaring waterfall.

As we headed back I was again reminded that slippery slopes are always safer going up then down. It was at this time I spotted my white whale, the pristine picture location. I spotted a dirt patch across the river that would give a perfect view of the bubbling brook while allowing the falls in the background to shyly peak into frame. My desire to capture the perfect picture (and all the pride and social reward that comes with it) was perfectly matched by a call to adventure. I determined that my future lay on the other side of that river.

Now there was no safe way across the river. It was just wide enough to be unable to jump across and there was no safe path across. The rocks came in two hazardous varieties: overgrown with moss or sharp, smooth, and slick. My friend was not keen on me going, mostly because she was afraid I would slip, crack my head open, and drift unconscious down the river. I failed to quell her fears with a simple, “Don’t worry, I got this,” followed by a quick thumbs up and turned to find my route. The easiest path I could find involved hopping to a boulder, clinging to said boulder while dangling a little leg out in order to get to a small rock in the middle of the river, before finally leaping onto a log from which I could hop onto the other side. This was all done in a less than elegant but overall successful manner. I was feeling confident and a bit smug about how quickly and efficiently I reached my goal. I snapped my picture and turned to plot my way back.

My "Perfect" Picture

I looked puzzled as I realized the way I had come was not a safe way to head back. While previously I had a boulder to hold onto for balance, from the this side I would have to jump onto the tiny slick rock and then go for the boulder which I was not sure I trusted my feet to stay attached to. Across the river Cassie shouted my name with a clear hint of fear and worry. Her voice and face showed that she was much less afraid about her own safety and much more afraid for mine. It was a side of her I’d not seen before. I’ve always seen her a strong and confident person. This image built off stories like the time she fell in an open park service hatch and got a piece of metal wedged into her calve. In that instance she did not cry while the paramedics had to cut the metal off of the hatch and then rip it out of her leg, instead she had to console her friend who was so scared for her that he was crying. She was strong and capable and I had always seen her this way, but in this moment she seemed like a worried momma hen watching their chick get grabbed by the butcher.

This is where the reality of my ambition started to dawn on me. I had been so self-absorbed weighing the risks verses the reward and letting my ambitions drive me that I had never thought about how putting myself in danger might cause her to feel. As I scrambled up and down the river looking for a way back she was stuck on the other side, unable to help and unable to keep the worst possible scenarios from playing through her head. I’ve never in my life heard my name called out so many times with such fear and hurt in the voice. I eventually, and very begrudgingly, took off my shoes and socks and waded through the freezing water. My more empathetic side realizing my warmth in that moment was not worth making my friend wait any longer in fear.

When I reached the other side she released a sigh of relief and as the fear subsided it was not followed by anger or laughter but rather by a soft sadness. I had broken her trust. Though unspoken there was an agreement within our friendship that we would not intentionally put each other in fear filled situations. I had been a bad friend. My ambition and the pursuit of that dream had led me to abandon her and disregard how she was feeling about what I was doing. I realized my mistake and was quick to apologize and was lucky that she was quick to forgive, but I left some of her trust at the river that day, trust I will have to work to get it back.

Western culture preaches pursuit of our dreams at any cost. We are told we need to have what it takes to overcome any obstacle. If people are getting in the way then when push comes to shove you shove them to a place where they cannot get in the way. You push others aside so you can go and go and go until you reach what you’re striving for. Ambition is praised and reaching your dreams is worshiped. But at what cost are you getting what you desire?

When you reach that mountaintop and you turn to see who is still with you will you find anyone? Or will you look down the path and see a path of bodies. Friends and family that you cast away in order to summit your dreams. And alone atop your peak you’ll sit and know that this life was not about you and it was not about your dreams. Alone you will sit and know that it was about how your dreams could bless those around you and with the clarity only found in reflecting your mistakes, you will see that your ambitions and the source of your greatest strength can be your greatest enemies.

We cast aside what matters today for our hopes and dreams of tomorrow and all we reap as a result is an unreachable dream, always a day away. As you step out into pursuing your goals think of this, “Whom am I doing this for and how will it affect those I care about?” because it doesn’t matter if you get the perfect picture, if you don't have anyone to share it with.